BREAKING NEWS!!! I am admitting it. I am a huge over-thinker. It's terrible. So I'll begin by
saying that I cannot exactly offer advice on this topic without being hypocritical, but it is something that I have made the decision to work on this summer. I thought I could share my two cents.
So what exactly is overthinking? It is the scenarios you create in your head that don't actually exist. I'll give you some examples. Overthinking is when the text I sent five hours ago is still haunting me. Did I word it right? Why haven't they responded yet? Are they mad at me? Or when I have too many things going on and I have to tell people "no." They're going to hate me. I'm going to miss out. I'll never get invited again. Or when I compare myself to others. I'm not as pretty as her. I'm not as kind, or as smart. I'm not as successful. Or when people ask me what I'm majoring in and they don't quite understand Interior Design. They probably think I'm not very bright. I'm a "pillow-fluffer." I''m going to pick paint colors for the rest of my life. Or when I tell someone that my parents are divorced. Now they don't know what to say. They feel bad for me. They think less of me. Overthinking is the voices in your head that never shut up.
Pretty ridiculous right? Surely no one actually thinks this way. But I do. I can't help it. And I know I am not alone.
It is something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember, and I think it is one of the primary causes of my anxiety (which we can talk about another day). It takes a toll on the way I live my life. I avoid situations like the ones I listed above. I do not promote this blog like I should, I don't post certain pictures, I'm very careful about the decisions I make, and what I tell people, etc. all because I fear how I may appear to others. I am far from an open book, and I prefer to keep to myself (especially around new people) because of it.
I have definitely had my fair share of high and low points. Towards the end of high school I had a pretty high self-esteem. I was confident in the woman I was becoming, and I tried my hardest not to let others get to me. At least that is what I told myself. The past few months, however, I have found myself really struggling. And I'm not sure exactly why. I think that is one of the hardest things to accept; there is often no single cause. My mom always used to tell me that I was "wired" a little differently, which I agree with. I would keep myself up at night, my mind running non-stop. It is a trap that is really difficult to get out of once you start.
But difficult does not mean impossible. And that is why I am choosing to focus on changing my habits over the next few months, and hopefully I can share some tips and advice by then.
"Overthinking is the cause of our unhappiness. Keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don't help you. Think Positive."
Know that you are not alone, and you can get through anything.